


pancakes and milk for unready fools

by candidshot



Series: stories from an alternate universe [17]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, M/M, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-28 15:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16244711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candidshot/pseuds/candidshot
Summary: "Magnus and I”, Alec starts, a mosaic of their happier times flooding his memory— the movie nights and the summer road trips, nights they ate nothing but pancakes and milk— the confession that didn’t go well, and a friendship that struggles and weakens every year, “Magnus doesn’t love me, anymore”.“You don’t know that”.“Izzy, accept reality. I have”.AU





	pancakes and milk for unready fools

**Author's Note:**

> A story written in the format of snippets.

“You know, Alec— sometimes, action doesn’t speak louder than words”.  
  
Alec frowns, “And exactly what is it you really want to say, Izzy?”

“That you’d be better off telling him sooner rather than never instead of giving him your hurt puppy eyes. Tell him that you love him”.  
  
Alec sighs in exasperation, “I don’t think me telling him is the problem here”.  
  
“Well he’s only with her because you’re too chicken to tell him how you truly feel. Alec, do you really think he’d choose her over you?”  
  
Alec sighs louder this time, angrily getting out of bed and clutching the cell phone between his shoulder and ear while taking clothes from his closet, “Well, isn’t that how this sort of story always ends?”  
  
“Yes. It will if you let it”.  
  
The warning behind Isabelle’s words sends Alec into a thinking trance, biting back his lips to distract the pain from his heart, contemplating his best words to explain. Placing the phone on speaker in the bathroom, he’s staring at his reflection in the mirror and what looks back at him is one of the most helpless and hurting faces of himself he’d ever seen. But he coughs and shrugs, trying to force some sort of normalcy into his voice, “Magnus and I”, he starts, then stops, a mosaic of their happier times together floods his memory— the movie nights and the summer road trips— nights of eating nothing but pancakes and milk— the confession that didn’t go well and a friendship that struggles and weakens every year, “Magnus doesn’t love me, anymore”.  
  
“You don’t know that”.  
  
“Izzy, accept reality. I have”.  
  
.  
  
Even though they’ve cut ties somewhat and see each other less these days, Alec and Magnus have always shared this bond that goes beyond spoken words. So it’s no surprise when one day Magnus asks, “Is there something you want to tell me, or maybe ask me?”  
  
This has always been a trick question because on one hand, of course Alec has tons of things to say or rather, a few questions and the list keeps getting longer every time he has some spare time to think. Questions like;  
  
_Are you and Dot going out?_  
_Is it serious between you two?_  
_Is there still a place in your life for me?_  
_Magnus, am I too late?_  
  
“Are you happy?” he settles on instead.  
  
The look Magnus gives him is more of disappointment than surprise, “Don’t I look happy?”  
  
Alec clears his throat, fidgeting, “Yes, you do”, and that’s the problem right there tormenting him and has him trying so hard to collect his shattering heart with a brittle smile, but he has always been transparent to Magnus.  
  
So Magnus continues to look at him with a frown line threading across his handsome face, “Alexander”, he gently calls for Alec to turn around and face him, and there’s a long excruciating pause before he asks, “Alec, are you happy?”

"..."  
  
.  
  
In the echoic room of florescent lights and dance music that’s popular for Friday after-work jam, Alec is fuming that Isabelle had tricked him into coming. But in the end he stays, supposing that the noisy atmosphere might serve as a good distraction. And so here he is on his third drink and is reaching for a fourth when someone calls out to him.

“Alec, long time”, Dot walks up and the way she’s happily greeting him rings nothing but irritation in Alec’s brain, “How’s life?”  
  
For a split second, Alec’s initial thought is to lash out at her with everything he has got— throw the blame and all his anger and frustration for his ongoing emotional agony. But then the honest part of him pisses him off even more because it exposes his growing need to resent Magnus out of loving him too much and that, seeing Magnus happy makes him sad because it’s a constant reminder of what he desires but can no longer have.  
  
Taking a sip of the beer, “Getting used to it”, he answers.  
  
Dot smiles, although a bit uncomfortably, “I don’t know whether to take that on a positive or a very sad note”.

And perhaps the universe refuses to give Alec a break for his past mistakes but just as Alec thinks their conversation is over and he can be on his way, Magnus suddenly walks up and be it habit or just the norm for couples, Dot clings to Magnus and draws him closer to her, hugging him around the waist and is rocking against him to the music bubbling in the air. Alec reaches for his fourth drink, nods and walks away but not without noticing the way Magnus is watching him— quietly and all-knowing.  
  
Magnus releases himself from Dot and goes to sit on an empty stool beside Alec. They exchange looks and try as Alec might to hide his watercolour canvas of misery, he can never escape Magnus’s frank stare, scanning him like an x-ray machine.  
  
“Alec”, he tentatively calls, watching Alec closely, “Are you ready now?”  
  
Alec recalls two years ago when this all started. Things were much different then. The tables have now turned from that time when tasty pancakes and a good mood had loosened Magnus’s mouth.  
  
Alec takes a sip of his beer, “That’s a very cryptic question, Magnus”.  
  
.  
  
Two years ago while sharing a blanket and watching a movie, Magnus confessed to Alec his undying and growing love for him. But Alec, who was still confused and afraid of coming out, was taken off guard because if it’s Magnus then Alec feared he wouldn’t be able to hide much longer. But he still felt he had to. “Magnus, I’m not as brave as you, you know that. Besides—”, he paused then carefully added, “I mean, you’re my best friend and— Magnus, I’m not ready to love you any more than that. You understand, right?”  
  
Fair enough.  
  
But sometimes, a person starts falling in love with the person they know hopelessly loves them.  
  
So since then,

Alec has seen Magnus engage in a good share of relationships that always leaves him a tidbit jealous. Though initially, they never seem to be anything serious with Magnus breaking things off for the pettiest of reasons. So Alec never had to truly worry— all he had to do was this strange emotional rearrangement and like that, they still managed to stay close to the point of Magnus sharing stories of his latest fling, “He calls me every morning at seven waking me up just to tell me good morning, cute isn’t it?”  
  
“Sounds like something that would annoy me but your call”, Alec laughed, and then added, “But I guess he really does like you”.  
  
“It is annoying”, Magnus laughed too, “If he likes me so much then he would let me sleep for heaven’s sake”, he cursed while piling slices of maple syrup pancakes into his mouth.  

Alec had smiled, relieved.  
  
But then, like twilight changing into night, Dot appeared.  
  
Everything truly slowly started to change.

Magnus ranted less and less about her and before Alec took notice, Magnus’s presence around him became less and less. Very slowly, the loneliness and emptiness start clinging to Alec and before he could come to terms with what was happening, he’d developed a great yearning for Magnus in an unimaginable way— and it wasn’t the kind that friends shared.  
  
.  
  
“Alec, are you ready?” Magnus asks again.  
  
But Alec hesitates, questioning his motive because can it be that this love of his for Magnus is growing out of fear of missing his dearest friend? Or is it true love?  
  
But before Alec can answer, Magnus belatedly adds, “But you might be too late, know that”.  
  
Alec’s eyes burn with fear and he can hear the fast beating of his heart in his ears, the cold beer gripped tightly in his hands and all that’s left for Alec to wonder is, ‘should he smile because they can still be friends, or should he cry because that’s what they may ever be?’  
  
.  
  
Alec never answers Magnus’s question, but seeing Dot and Magnus together becomes a rare occurrence until— Magnus doesn’t talk about it, and Alec knows better than to ask.

Perhaps he doesn’t need to, anyway.  
  
And so Magnus waits and waits while Isabelle watches and groans louder and louder in irritation.  
  
Another two months in passing and neither makes a move, and to make matters worse, they even start avoiding each other in subtle ways.  
  
“If you don’t do something”, Isabelle storms over to Alec’s apartment, “Then I swear, I’ll go over to Magnus’s place and tell him how stupid you are”.  
  
“You wouldn’t dare betray your brother like that”, Alec steps aside to let her in, going back to his pancakes. “I mean, why do I have to be the one to make the first move?”

But what Alec really wants to say is that, after dragging Magnus for so long, he doesn’t deserve Magnus. Not anymore and perhaps he never did and especially not now when Magnus might’ve finally found someone he can properly love and who can just as properly return it.  
  
And Isabelle’s hands are flailing in the air, tired and frustrated, “You’re such a fool, Alec. Magnus has already told you everything you need to know. Can't you tell? Or do you need a microscope to read between the lines?”  
  
Alec grimaces, somehow the pancake he’s eating leaves an unpalatable and bitter taste in his mouth, “I just need to be sure”.  
  
“But you are sure, Alec. But you’re still afraid. Years, and you’re still afraid of living your best life by being you and accepting love from the man who loves you so much that after all this time and your bullshit, he’s still waiting”.  
  
And if Alec could beat himself then he most definitely would. He’d known all along that he’s the reason why neither of them is able to move forward. Two years and counting, he has selfishly and blindly kept Magnus waiting. Sighing and rubbing a hand over his face, Alec is sure that if there was a Fool’s Olympic then he would have surely won gold.

“Fine”.

“Fine, what?”

“Just go home, Izzy”.

And as soon as he hears the door closed behind Isabelle, before cowardice stops him, he quickly presses one in speed dial— the beating in his chest dragging like a runner out of breath, feeling as though he just might faint from the rush of anxiety if the phone isn’t answered quickly.  
  
“Hello”.  
  
“It’s me”.  
  
“I know, Alec. What’s up?”  
  
It’s crazy, really. The amount of time Alec wasted, and the amount of love Magnus still has for him— so much love that all these years he spent waiting because Alec gave Magnus hope to cling by not outrightly rejecting him.

Mentally berating himself, Alec clutches the phone tightly and in a sturdy voice replies, “Magnus, I’m ready”.  
  
There’s nothing but silence on the other end of the line and Alec knows exactly why.  After all, he was already warned about being too late but just when he’s about to apologise and hang up, Magnus replies,

“You fool”.  
  
.  
  
“Alexander, are you happy?”  
  
“I’m so happy I might die”, Alec smiles and cuddles under Magnus’s chin.  
  
Magnus chuckles, folding himself deeper under the blanket and into Alec’s arms, “Well don’t die just yet, Mr. Stubbornpants", he whispers and Alec can hear the mirth in his voice, “After all, we’ve only just begun”, he kisses the top of Alec’s head, “But you must be tired so goodnight”.  
  
Alec moans in soft pleasures, “I don’t want to sleep”, he answers, tilting his head back to look at Magnus’s face, his lips puckering for a kiss.  
  
Magnus kisses him, “Not tired?”  
  
“I am. But I don’t want to miss you anymore”.  
  
Magnus laughs, deep yet soft against Alec’s skin, “I’m right where I’ve always wanted to be, Alexander. So, rest assured, you'll never have to miss me again”.  
  
Alec inhales, wraps Magnus even tighter into his hold and as the soft chime of autumn gust beats against the windowsill, Alec captures the shell of Magnus’s right ear betwixt his lips and murmurs, “Tomorrow, make me pancakes”.

★*☆♪

magnus x alec

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I know not everyone appreciates this style but I do and wanted to try it with this story. So if you've gotten this far, thank you XD


End file.
